can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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