omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
im on a boat
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