Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
