This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
