can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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