All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
