Have you finally orgasmed yet?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
