I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
