i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
