Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
