so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
