Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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