So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
