meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
