I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
