who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
