go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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