just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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