Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Enjoy the penises
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
