omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We are all done wearing pants today
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
