You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
