need another drink. this is the easiest way
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
