Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
