OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
