oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
