last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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