She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
