dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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