I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
