In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
