I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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