I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
