I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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