You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
