We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize
