my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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