new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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