i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
