hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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