I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
