My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
