You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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