before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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