evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
