I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
