Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
