i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
