call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
