But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
