he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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